Hlastradamus was perfect last week, but that was then

Hlastradamus did a mic drop last week and can't be bothered on this holiday weekend.

Besides, the penultimate episodes of most television series are always better than the finales.

Last week was the prophet's penultimate episode. He gave you six picks against the Nevada pointspreads, and you know what happened. THEY WERE ALL WINNERS, OF COURSE! The proof is right here.

Now, who in your life has ever handed you a 6-TEAM PARLAY???

You would think people would come bearing gifts out of deepest gratitude for getting such great information. But Hlastradamus got nada, zilch, zip from you ingrates.

On Thanksgiving Week you couldn't offer as much as a thank-you card? What kind of millennium is this?

Or — and this would be a bigger insult — you disregarded the seer's advice and got the nothing you deserved for not heeding the higher power.

Well, after much prodding and pleading for this week's prophecies from the seer's grubby Uncle Earl, Hlastradamus said 'Get lost,' and booked a flight for Sydney. But Uncle Earl is wise to the ways of hacking his nephew's crystal ball, and has stolen his picks for this weekend.

Do with them what you will, because Hlastradamus says he isn't coming back anytime soon and may take up permanent residence in Australia. The surfing is good, the shrimp is tasty, the centuries-old female prophets there like the cut of his gib, and things aren't quite as jumpy Down Under right now as they are in North America.

On with the picks!

Nebraska +1 at Iowa

The Hawkeye fans in the crowd may misconstrue this as a prediction the Huskers will win the game. That's not necessarily the case. It could end in a tie.

How? Let's just say it would take something unnatural. Something you do not want to know.

Iowa State -7 vs. West Virginia

Yes, the prophet told you the Cyclones would cover as 3-point underdogs against Texas Tech last week. He didn't tell you they would win by 56, because that's the kind of prediction that got people stoned not all that many centuries ago.

It wasn't the kind of stoned that some of you have experienced, by the way. It involved actual stones.

Michigan +6.5 vs. Ohio State

The Wolverines are wheezing, but let's look at facts. Ohio State slipped by Wisconsin, Northwestern and Michigan State. So it's going to manhandle Michigan?

The prophet thinks not.

Besides, Hlastradamus and Jim Harbaugh share a similar wavelength, one that humans will never encounter.

Penn State -12 vs. Michigan State

You need to win a home game to share a Big Ten East title and maybe go to the league's title game?

Then you flatten an opponent that is 3-8.

The Spartans had their moral victory last week when they nearly beat Ohio State. In Happy Valley, they get a reminder of who they are in 2016, and it isn't pretty.

Wisconsin -14.5 vs. Minnesota

Four in the morning

Crapped out

Yawning

Longing my life away

I'll never worry

Why should I?

It's all gonna fade

That's not a prophecy, that's a song lyric. When Hlastradamus leaves, the whole system breaks down.