Compromise, new traditions make holidays happy in divided homes

Kris Ward has learned over the years that making the holidays work is far more important than strictly following her divorce decree.

Ward, 45, of Springville, divorced her husband Jeff Sprague in 1999. She said Christmas and Thanksgiving were tough the first few years following the divorce because the decree ordered that the two alternate holidays. Getting her extended family together often hinged on when sons Tanner, now 18, and Brayden, now 16, would be home.

“I have a brother and a sister and they have their families and they have traditions, and every year they were waiting for me to make plans for Christmas because it all depended on when I'd have the boys,” she said.

Her mother wanted a “guarantee” that the boys would be at Christmas so the family started getting together the weekend before the actual holiday.

Since that tradition started, Ward said, “we've never had a Christmas without the boys and their dad gets the option of having them on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, or both.”

Ward isn't alone. In fact, according to the most recent statistics available from the U.S. Census Bureau, just 63 percent of American kids grow up with both biological parents in the home.

Shaun Tullis, 33, of Monticello, said putting son Austin, age 7, as a priority during the holidays has been her No. 1 goal. Her fiance, Mike Clasen, has two daughters as well, so the couple know about shuttling kids back and forth.

Tullis has been divorced three years and said she and her ex-husband haven't really relied on the divorce decree when it comes to Austin's needs.

“We try to make it work so we don't have to depend on that for the decisions we make for our son,” she said.

She and Clasen agree that making the holidays work for the kids is the main priority.

“I think we both just try to be as accommodating as possible to the other family and their extended families. We try to think ahead as to what the possible holiday plans are and carve out the best schedule that allows the kids to participate in as many events as possible.”

She said Austin is “at an age where the holidays are a lot of fun, and he loves spending time with his family and cousins.”