Enjoying mandated leisure time

So we're back from our Branscation.

I named our family's time off last week in honor of Gov. Terry Branstad, because he made it all possible. Had it not been for the governor's insistence that local public school start dates be pushed back by state edict, my kids likely would have been back in school. Instead, we hit the road. When Des Moines hands you a mandate, make a pitcher of mandate-Ade, I say.

But the governor might be displeased to hear we kicked off our Branscation with four days in Illinois, his least-favorite state. It's where my in-laws reside, so we must occasionally grit our teeth and cross the border. Sorry, governor.

Illinois has no state budget. The budget plan passed in May by the Democratic Legislature was vetoed by the Republican governor. And now? Chaos, of course, looting, refugee caravans, the Cubs suddenly unable to lose, etc. Madness. The streets ran red with ink.

OK, actually, beyond daily accounts of the stalemate in the local papers, the lack of a state budget didn't seem to make much difference. Illinois remains open, but hardly hopeful that its political dysfunction will end soon. One day last week, I read about how Democratic leaders gathered in Chicago to negotiate, but the governor wanted to meet in Springfield, so his team didn't show. These folks can't even agree where to disagree.

We also drove through a town where the local school was allowed to start classes on Aug. 15. Smack in the middle of the State Fair, no less.

Speaking of fairs, no Branscation would be complete without a trip to the Iowa State Fair. After all, the whole school start date mandate debate in Iowa sprang from the governor's concern that Iowa children might be denied, by local school boards, their right to gaze upon a 1,200-pound pumpkin, devour a corn dog straight from the fryer or see a Monopoly board made entirely from butter.

I disagreed with the guv. But my kids enthusiastically exercised their newly granted right to fair. They covered themselves in temporary tattoos in the Varied Industries Building, from universities, cellphone carriers and even the governor's own booth. They saw piglets and calves, but no fowl, thanks to bird flu. They watched a 4-H goat show, and heard the judge explain, in detail, the disadvantages of a fat goat.

They wandered the midway, which always offers a priceless series of lessons on the human condition, the state of the English language and the frontiers of fashion.

Who needs school to start? The State Fair covers all the common core subjects.

Math. We came in with $100 in cash and have been here for two hours. Can you guess how much money is left?

Science. 'Dad, if the super cold beer at the Steer and Stein is really 27 degrees, why doesn't it freeze?” Ah, the curiosity of bright young minds.

All in all, it was a successful Branscation. Ella got a hole-in-one in miniature golf. Tess hit a bull's-eye with a bow and arrow. They took a selfie with an ancient bust of Zeus at the Cedar Rapids Museum of Art and learned about Marvin Cone. In between, they stared at their phones and failed to laugh at my witty jokes. Perhaps a new mandate is in order.

l Comments: (319) 398-8452; todd.dorman@thegazette.com