Pair of political opposites hope their friendship serves as model

DES MOINES - Bob Vander Plaats and Donna Red Wing have beliefs and professions that put them at odds on some of the hottest social issues in the country.

Yet they are good friends with a standing bimonthly coffee meeting, at which they talk about their families, their faith and their lives.

Vander Plaats is president and CEO of the Family Leader, the state's leading Christian conservative organization. Red Wing is executive director of One Iowa, the state's leading advocacy organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

The two people from opposite ends of the political spectrum spoke about their friendship Wednesday night at an event held at the Des Moines Social Club and hosted by Iowa Public Radio. The friendship between Vander Plaats and Red Wing was presented as a way for people to have a civil dialogue about politics.

'We can have those disagreements and have them without being disagreeable, if we can respect each other, if we can get to know each other, if we can find common ground,” Red Wing said.

Red Wing first reached out to Vander Plaats two years ago after the death of a friend who had inspired her by reaching out to those with whom she disagreed.

Red Wing and Vander Plaats both said Wednesday that they had reservations going into their first meeting.

'I think we both sat down and wondered what we were going to say,” Red Wing said.

Vander Plaats said he was intrigued and wondered whether Red Wing had an agenda.

'But readily I assessed she didn't have an agenda,” Vander Plaats said. 'It was really just a very good conversation, and it was a good coffee, and it's one, frankly, that I think could be modeled for many others, although that was not our intention.”

Red Wing recalled trying to explain to her wife afterward how she came away liking Vander Plaats.

'That was really hard and confusing,” she said.

Ever since, Vander Plaats and Red Wing have met regularly and become friends, even while their organizations are on the front lines of debates over issues such as same-sex marriage.

The point, Vander Plaats and Red Wing said, is not to convince one another of their beliefs, but rather to gain a better understanding and to create a more civil discussion of the issues.

'People are so upset with politics and politicians today. The reason is they can't discuss big, major issues like Donna and I are ready to discuss without being disagreeable, without pointing fingers and launching grenades at each other,” Vander Plaats said.

'We can disagree on some profound things,” Vander Plaats added later. 'That doesn't mean I hate her. She knows I love her. I'd do anything for her.”