Public proposals put the pressure on

I'm newly engaged, but every time I hear Bruno Mars' 'Marry You,” I feel nauseated.

This has nothing to do with the diamond ring on my left hand and shouldn't be an indicator of future cold feet.

My physical reaction to Mars' amorous anthem is a result of one (way) too many flash mob proposals set to the tune. When it's not a flash mob, it's a movie production, mid-concert surprise, televised spectacle or a YouTube sensation.

Whether it's YouTube proposal videos, Pinterest wedding boards or Facebook feeds filled with elaborate engagement stories, 'Proposals are constantly going viral,” says Michele Velazquez, owner and co-founder of the Heart Bandits, a proposal planning company in Los Angeles.

It's not just perception that these public engagements are growing in popularity.

According to TheKnot.com, 68 percent of proposers popped the question in private in 2009. By 2011, that number went down to 57 percent.

If my Facebook newsfeed and Twitter stream are any indication, the percentage of men who get down on bended knee without an audience was even less in 2014.

That leaves brides-to-be craving - and perhaps competing for - the biggest and best story.

'Guys are looking at these videos thinking that's something they need to live up to,” says Elie Pitts, a proposal and wedding planner for The Yes Girls with offices in Los Angeles, San Diego and Dallas.

That was true for Brent O'Rourke, who recently planned his own public proposal at Parlor City Pub - the location of his first date with now-fiance, Jillian Tigges. It wasn't until he dropped to one knee that Tigges realized they were not only surrounded by strangers but also a collection of family and friends.

'It's becoming more of the norm in the social media age, where people want to share their pictures and brag about stuff right away,” he says. 'I thought it would be cool to be in a public place, to make it memorable. I wanted to do something out of the ordinary, wanted it to be a wow type of thing, something big so it really stood out to people. I wanted her to be happy to tell the story, to brag about it.”

His surprise was spot on.

'You think a lot about what your proposal is going to be like,” Tigges says. 'It wasn't at all what I pictured, but I absolutely loved it.”

I'm with Tigges. My own holiday engagement was orchestrated at an indoor rock climbing gym to include my sister, who took pictures - which, of course, I posted on Facebook. Despite feeling embarrassed in the moment - I'm not usually one for the center of attention - I still loved it.

It might seem like it, but it's not necessarily that proposals have gotten more creative, says Aubrey Secrest, founder of Bride Meets Wedding, a wedding planning and inspiration blog based in North Liberty.

'People probably have been doing creative things for a long time, but because of social media, everybody sees it,” Secrest says.

Not everyone loves their proposal, though. A 2011 survey by Men's Health and The Knot reveals that 26 percent of respondents weren't thrilled with their proposal.

In fact, it was Velazquez's own proposal on a sunset cruise around the harbor that inspired her to start Heart Bandits with her husband, Marvin Velazquez, in 2010. Think the setup sounds romantic? Not to someone who doesn't like boats.

'I just don't know why he chose that for me,” she says. 'I would have preferred to be in public, all eyes on me. I think it would have been obvious that I wanted to be the center of attention.”

Though she said 'yes,” she didn't want other women to 'be embarrassed of their proposal,” she says. 'I want every woman to feel really proud. You have to tell it to your friends, children, grandchildren. Why not make it a great story?”

No pressure, right?

'I definitely think there's a lot of pressure to make it memorable and perfect,” says Secrest. 'It's your moment as a girl (to be) like ‘Oh my gosh, it's finally happening.' The girls want to have a good story to tell and the guys want to feel like a man. That's kind of their big thing.”

Mike Norman wanted that 'big moment” for his proposal but wasn't fond of the idea of all-eyes-on him. So when he proposed to his wife, Lisa, back in 2012, he chose a semipublic setting: Osaka's party room filled with close family and friends, who were invited there under the guise of a birthday party for Norman.

'I was kind of nervous,” Norman says. 'The spotlight was on me. Everyone watching. I'm kind of a shy guy, I don't like a lot of attention.”

'Yet I'm the social butterfly,” Lisa cuts in, adding the proposal was perfect for both of them: public enough to include people most important but private enough to relieve some of his anxiety.

'It was wonderful to include everybody, to share that special moment,” she says. 'I don't think we would have had it any other way.”

Velazquez doesn't see the trend reversing. She doesn't believe, though, that a public proposal is perfect for everyone.

'I don't believe in telling people what their proposals should be like,” she says. 'If the girl loves to be the center of attention and wants a public proposal, she should have that. But it depends on the type of person you're proposing to.”

That's why Heart Bandits and The Yes Girls, which plan proposals all over the world, start with a consultation with the person popping the question.

The Yes Girls charge a minimum of $199 to come up with ideas and $1,200 to execute. They tell clients to expect to pay between $3,500 and $4,000.

The Heart Bandits average proposal is also $3,500 to $4,000 with a $189 consult fee.

The more elaborate, the more expensive. For $12,000, you can rent a night club, construct a 15-foot Eiffel Tower and hire a photographer, caterer, florist and designer. A $43,000 proposal included renting a skyscraper in New York City and dinner for 50 guests.

Heart Bandits has been hired to plan at least 500 engagements; The Yes Girls have done around 1,000. Neither have planned a proposal in Iowa - yet.

Of course, not everyone can afford to hire an engagement planner, and that's OK.

'It's really more about being thoughtful and intentional about the details than anything else,” Pitts says.

'Ultimately it comes down to the two of you as a couple,” says Secrest, the Eastern Iowa wedding blogger. 'People get so wrapped up in planning, but really it should just be something that represents you as a couple. It shouldn't be about looking good on social media or looking good to your friends.”

l Comments: (319) 398-8364; elizabeth.zabel@thegazette.com