Some friendly advice for the nonvoter

So my old pal Pluribus treated me to a pre-election dinner. I guess free bar popcorn can really fill you up, if you eat enough of it.

“Quit your complaining,” he said. “If you're so darn hungry, get one of those pickled eggs, or some Funyuns.”

I only eat local, cage-free, grass-fed Funyuns. So we've got an election upon us. Any predictions?

“Yeah, I predict some will win, some will lose and very few will vote.”

Going out on a limb, huh? I guess some people are just too darn busy to vote.

“Oh, sure. Ballots have only been available since September, but who has the time? Voting takes sooo long, nearly as long as syncing your iPod or ordering a pumpkin spice latte or pinning six pictures to Pinterest of your cat wearing a homemade Halloween costume. Pirate kitty! Arrrggh.”

You really should be more sympathetic to the crafty and apathetic. It's not like their votes would make any difference.

“How true. When ranking electoral clout, nonvoters do come in just ahead of pirate pets and dead people.

“It's funny, if the county auditor announced tomorrow that only three out of every 10 voters will be allowed to vote in the city election, we'd hear cries of tyranny! Luckily, there's no reason to do that. We've got this.”

Fair enough. But maybe we're better off having only truly engaged and informed voters vote.

“Yeah, that makes sense. Democracy works just dandy when precious few people pay much attention. Shrugging off our responsibilities and leaving the playing field to be dominated by voters who are more motivated, including the perpetually outraged and self-interested, clearly has resulted in wildly popular governing institutions at all levels.”

Still, it's hard to blame folks for being fed up.

“No, I don't blame them for being fed up. What I blame them for is pretending that the stuff they're fed up about will magically go away if they ignore it long enough. Shrug it off if you like, but know that somebody is going to vote, and people will get elected. Government is still going to have power and make decisions. None of that stops if you stop watching or caring or even taking the time to cast a ballot. It just happens without you. And so it shouldn't be a mystery when decisions get made that you don't like.”

But aren't you being a little hypocritical? I don't see you at many City Council meetings. What's your excuse?

“Easy. No free popcorn.”