For better, for worse, for mulcher, for bagger

And now for your lawn mower news update.

On Friday, Iowa U.S. Sen. Chuck Grassley tweeted a photo of his ingenious lawn-mowing setup. It's a John Deere lawn tractor with a horizontal metal bar attached to its rear end. And attached to each end of the bar is a push lawn mower, thus widening the John Deere's cutting swath by a few feet.

'Pretty simple invention but very cheap and it works. But u need a big lawn to maneuver in,” Grassley tweeted. If only the Senate worked as well.

Elsewhere, U.S. Rep. Steve King, who represents northwestern and north central Iowa, announced an even more remarkable lawn mower development.

'I had a strong, Christian lawyer tell me yesterday that, under this decision that he has read, what it brings about is: It only requires one human in this relationship - that you could marry your lawn mower with this decision. I think he's right,” the Republican congressman said as he introduced GOP presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee in Rockwell City.

The decision he's referring to is the U.S. Supreme Court ruling on June 26 that made same-sex marriage legal in all 50 states. And, apparently, according to King and his lawyer friend, paved the way for lawn mower unions.

This raises a lot of questions.

First, would a plural lawn mower marriage, say, involving a John Deere tractor and two push lawn mowers, be allowed?

Would pushing your spouse around all summer in the scorching heat be grounds for lawn mower divorce? When you propose to a lawn mower, is it with a ring or a sparkplug? Would a lawn mower spouse be jealous of my snowblower come winter? If we're talking any inanimate object, would it be possible for a guy to marry his kegerator? Just asking, for a friend.

And is there a chance, in the wake of this ruling, Iowa will become a lawn mower marriage mecca?

Who knows? King didn't elaborate. But we do know one thing. When it comes to marriage predictions, King is always wrong. He and his fellow doom peddlers were flat wrong after same-sex couples won the right to marry in Iowa back in 2009. He's been repeatedly wrong as marriage rights expanded steadily state-by-state. He's wrong now.

You can count on his wrongness, like grass growing.

Worse than his kooky words, however, is his true intent. King and his allies want desperately to dehumanize the marriage issue, making it about anything but those Americans who fought to gain the full blessings of liberty so they can pursue happiness.

It's why King concocts lawn mower weddings and Huckabee equates being gay to drinking and cursing. It's the same petty playbook being followed by most of the 47 Republicans now running for president. They seek to lead a whole, diverse nation in the 21st Century, but to win a primary, they must pledge to persecute.

And speaking of that fight for liberty, they lost.

Marriage equality is a reality. Wild predictions of doom are fiction. Popular support is growing. And King is a lawn mower with no blade, providing little more than useless noise.

l Comments: (319) 398-8452; todd.dorman@thegazette.com