CEDAR RAPIDS — Middle child syndrome is the feeling of exclusion by the middle child.
You have the successful, smart, mature, older sibling and the cute, cuddly, younger sibling toddling about. Always coming up last ... the middle child.
Halloween is the older sibling of holidays. With its massive success in candy and costumes, Halloween rules October. After you recover from the candy coma, you have Christmas — the lights, the presents and, according to Ricky Bobby in “Talladega Night: The Legend of Ricky Bobby,” the birth of 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus. Ah, so exciting.
Oh but wait, there’s the one in the middle? Umm ... Thanks having? Thank you Day? Thanksgetting? Buffet day? Loosen your belt day? Turkey Day? Winged Bird day? Macy’s balloon, float, famous people parade day? Oh wait. Thanksgiving!
The one with the turkey.
So let’s take a minute to focus on the forgotten holiday that is ... Thanksss ... eating? Yeah, that one.
Let’s face it. The middle child should be promoted.
While it may be the daily norm for me to eat from 6 a.m. to 5 a.m. the next day, Nov. 22 may be the only day it’s “normal” for everyone else. Thanksgiving is what I’ve been training for all year.
You also have those classic Turkey day songs. You haven’t heard them? Impossible. The most popular holiday songs that top the charts, dare I say, would be ...
1. All I want for ... Nevermind, yikes.
2. I will Survive (turkey edition)
3. Almost Thanksgiving, Graham Parker
4. Young Pilgrims, The Shins
5. Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
And here’s the dealio for all you Starbucks fanatics. Thanksgiving is the perfect excuse for those pumpkin pie frappuccinos. Oh darn, I meant pumpkin spice lattes. The grocery store looks like pumpkin spice and everything nice, exploded in aisle 4.
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What are you having for dessert? Pumpkin pie. What will you have for the main course? Pumpkin spice turkey (yes that’s truly a thing). And if the turkey’s a little dry, just take a sister slurp of your pumpkin spice water (not kidding, this is legitness).
At the first drop of a leaf, the footballs come out. Followed by the aggressive middle-aged men and their fantasy football leagues. Thanksgiving Day football, at least in my house, is a MUST watch. This year we prepare ourselves for Bears at Lions (wonder who’ll win that one), Redskins at Cowboys, and Falcons at Saints. What a day.
In New York City, you have the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Celebrities on floats, loud music, big crowds and those fascinatingly large balloons that threaten to blow about and terrorize the city. A lovely tradition of which you simply cannot miss.
Finally let’s talk about the pilgrims, our little buddies who deserve to be brought into the light. When you fall into an internet hole at 1 in the morning, you find things out — like back in the day pilgrims used corncobs instead of toilet paper. NO THANK YOU. I’d personally rather have at least one ply.
So let’s take this Thanksgiving to be thankful we have toilet paper instead of corncobs. And in general be thankful for our families, friends and my personal favorite — dried turkey washed down with pumpkin spice water.
From our family at Hawk talk News to yours, have a good one, and next year remember thanks ... Thanks ...? The holiday with the Turkey, Remember that one.