Yay! We still have a little time left before artificial intelligence renders us useless

The end is near.

I’d been trying to pretend artificial intelligence is a passing fad, that it isn’t swiftly coming to disrupt human life as we’ve known it. But it’s like everything else I go into denial about, like taxes and weeds. It has to be confronted at some point.

So, I recently made my first visit to ChatGPT, which stands for Chat Generative Pre-trained Transformer. It’s a chatbot developed by OpenAI.

A chatbot is a computer program that conducts online chat conversations. Open AI is a research and development company. It says its mission is to ensure that artificial general intelligence benefits all of humanity.

Whenever anyone claims something noble like that, its true goal is to make billions of dollars, and perhaps enslave the human race in the process.

There is a dialog search box on the ChatGPT site. I typed in my own name and asked a couple questions. It told me some things that were accurate, and some that weren’t.

It said I’ve worked as a color commentator for college football games on ESPN3. Were that the case, pickleball and slap-fighting would now be more popular than football.

It also said I have written several books, including "The Hundred-Yard Classroom: The Story of Football at Iowa.“ That, it said, ”is considered a definitive history of the Hawkeye football program.“

Which was news to me. Here’s hoping the movie rights sell for a bundle.

Anyway, I proceeded with ChatGPT. I asked “What is the greatest sports moment in Iowa’s history?” The reply:

One that stands out as the greatest is the Iowa Hawkeyes football team's victory over the #1-ranked Michigan Wolverines in 1985.

The game took place on November 16, 1985, in front of a home crowd at Kinnick Stadium in Iowa City. The Hawkeyes were significant underdogs heading into the game, as the Wolverines were considered one of the best teams in the country and had an 11-0 record coming into the game.

Iowa was ranked No. 1, not Michigan. The game was on Oct. 19, not Nov. 16. The Hawkeyes were not significant underdogs. Michigan entered the game with a record of 5-0, not 11-0.

The number of errors warmed my heart. AI isn’t the go-to on this stuff quite yet, even if misinformation is swallowed as gospel by more people every day.

I then asked the chatbot to describe a conversation between Iowa wrestling coach Tom Brands and Kanye West.

Tom: Kanye, it's great to meet you. I'm a big fan of your music and fashion.

Kanye: Thank you, Coach Brands. It's great to meet you too. I've heard a lot about the Iowa wrestling program and your success as a coach.

Tom: Yes, we've had a lot of success over the years. We have a great tradition of hard work, dedication, and toughness.

Kanye: That's impressive. I can relate to that. Success in music and fashion also requires a lot of hard work and dedication.

Tom: Absolutely. That's why I always tell my wrestlers to focus on the process and not the outcome. If you work hard and do the right things, the results will take care of themselves.

Kanye: That's a great mindset. I think a lot of people in the creative industries could learn from that approach. It's not just about the end product, but the journey and the process.

Tom: I couldn't agree more. And speaking of creative industries, I've always admired your work in music and fashion. How do you stay motivated to keep pushing the boundaries and trying new things?

Kanyet: For me, it's all about the passion and the drive to create something new and innovative. I'm always looking for inspiration and trying to bring something fresh and exciting to the table.

Tom: That's great to hear. We have a similar approach in wrestling. We're always trying to evolve and improve our techniques, strategies, and training methods.

Kanye: I can definitely respect that. Maybe we could collaborate on something in the future. It would be cool to see how our worlds could intersect and inspire each other.

Tom: That would be amazing. I would love to explore that possibility. Let's stay in touch and see what we can do.

Who’s to say ChatGPT didn’t nail that? After all, it did say this about me:

Hlas retired from the Cedar Rapids Gazette in 2017.

Sounds about right.

Comments: (319) 398-8440; mike.hlas@thegazette.com