Kat’s story: Coming out the other side

Kat Edler knew from a young age that his assigned gender didn’t match who he was. At the age of five, he identified with boys more than girls.

It started with small changes, like wearing boys clothing, cutting his hair and cutting all gender labels, but he began taking steps toward transitioning further when he entered high school.

For many people, the teenage years can be a difficult time. That was no exception for Kat. He attended high school in an Eastern Iowa town with a population of a little more than 5,000.

During the first years of high school, Kat had two friends who were part of the queer community and acted as allies and mentors as Kat learned more about himself.

After his sophomore year, Kat’s two friends graduated and left him as the only openly transgender person at his school.

“It made me feel a lot of guilt and question myself a lot. But at the same time I felt like it was almost my job to protect those who were closeted by giving an example of being open and out,” Kat recalled.

The mental abuse started for Kat in middle school with slurs and derogatory names and quickly escalated to physical violence when he entered high school.

Kat brought these issues to the schools’ attention.

“I talked to them probably over 60 times. It was constant. I got told the line, ‘Well, if you’re gay, you’re just going to have to deal with it,’ ” he said.

As Kat progressed in the school year, the abuse from his classmates took a toll on his mental health. He was admitted to a psychiatric ward twice.

While there, he met someone who’d become one of his best friends, Onyx Parker, another transgender teenager.

After seeing the treatment of their child, the Edler family decided to move to Marion to give Kat a fresh start. Kat finished his junior year online, but decided to attend Marion High School in person for his senior year.

“When I walked in, the first thing I saw was a kid wearing a trans flag as a cape. I remember turning to another student and asking (if) that’s safe to do here and they said that, yes, that happens every day.”

Kat transitioned into his new school and found a community of classmates and staff that accepted him for who he is.

“It made me feel like I wasn’t the only one,” he said, “and I could do whatever it is that makes me happy without having to worry.”

Finding a place where he felt more accepted allowed Kat to focus on his journey and experience life as a typical teenager in his last year of school.

Kat attended prom with his friends and walked across the stage at graduation with his chosen, correct name being echoed through the arena.

While Kat’s last year of high school had changed for the better, he recognizes there is a lot of work to do for others like him.

People such as his best friend, Onyx, still struggle to find to acceptance at their small-town schools and often face bullying.

Kat hopes that schools around Iowa will provide more resources for queer students and make changes to better protect them.

“The inside bullying policy needs to be changed and enforced. They need to do a better job of protecting people who are different — making it clears that slurs and harassment are not going to be tolerated,” he said.

Since graduating, Kat has started testosterone therapy. He will be on hormones for six months before receiving top surgery and eventually will get a hysterectomy to complete his transition.

For now, he plans on documenting his changes monthly through videos and photos and sharing them with his friends and family.

Being an openly proud trans man, Kat hopes his story will act as an example for other transgender youth who are struggling.

“Don’t be afraid to be loud and proud no matter what your fears are,” he advised. “Even when you are facing struggles, you can still move forward and be successful.”

Comments: savannah.blake@thegazette.com

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