116 3rd St SE
Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52401
Hlastradamus knows most humans are skeptics or don’t pay close attention or, frankly, aren’t especially bright when good investment opportunities are handed to them on a gold platter.
The seer doesn’t stoop to silver.
Well, he’ll keep hammering away until you start to pay heed. Last week he told you Iowa wouldn’t cover the 30 points against Ohio State, and he gave you a two-team parlay that was money, baby.
So either keep getting distracted by Taylor Swift or your phone or Taylor Swift on your phone, or come join the winners this week.
Iowa -10.5 vs. Northwestern
The Hawkeyes have been catching all the heat for offensive offense, but Northwestern has been a bad team, period.
Iowa has beaten three teams. The Wildcats haven’t won since they played Nebraska in Ireland in August. By the way, if you’re spending vacation time in Dublin and you’re going to a Northwestern-Nebraska football game, you’re doing it wrong.
Somehow, someway, the Hawkeyes find enough points to cover. In fact, Hlastradamus says the final score will be 20-0. Defense, special teams, a pass from a tight end to a quarterback instead of the other way around — the cover will be attained.
Iowa State +1.5 vs. Oklahoma
The seer isn’t guaranteeing this will be a Cyclones victory. Going by Iowa State’s four Big 12 games, all decided by one score, he sees the distinct possibility of a 1-point Sooners win, which still is an ISU cover.
However, the futurist is no more a fan of Oklahoma and Texas jumping to the SEC than any of you mortals, so it wouldn’t trouble him an iota if the Sooners defied the prophet’s vision and went belly-up in Ames like they went belly-up against Kansas State, TCU and Texas.
Penn State +14.5 vs. Ohio State
It’s a lot of points for a 13th-ranked team to be getting at home, especially when that home is Penn State.
This is an 11 a.m. game and Northwestern-Iowa starts at 2:30. That’s like Taylor Swift opening for Hlastradamus.
Rutgers +13.5 at Minnesota
The autumn grows longer and the Gophers grow wearier.
Nebraska +7.5 vs. Illinois
It would be incorrect to say the Big Ten West would become chaos if the Huskers win, because the Big Ten West already is chaos.
Anarchy rules, and that’s just what this division wants, needs and deserves. That means Nebraska not only covers the 7.5, it gets a win. My advice to Big Red fans is to storm the field afterward
That would be telling the world you’re partying like it’s 1995 (or 1994, or 1997). Why? Because you just beat Illinois, at home.