Commit to Be Fit: It’s time to reframe our challenges

Happy spring! It feels good to be back writing. I took a three-month hiatus after we welcomed baby No. 4 to our family in mid-February. After having three previous uncomplicated births, I was surprised when we ended up having an emergency cesarean section. Although unexpected, we were thankful for this option to bring our little girl safely into the world.

In the weeks following Zoey’s birth, I felt a bit sheepish saying that I was disappointed with my many restrictions after surgery. Here I was holding our beautiful, healthy daughter, how could I ever be anything but thankful? But the guidelines following a C-section strongly advise to not pick up anything heavier than your baby. This was so challenging not being able to pick up any of my older children, especially our 2-year-old.

My mom, along with both extended families, really pitched in and helped us with everything, including child care and chores around the house. I never realized how important my autonomy was until it was taken away. It was hard to accept so much help and to be honest, I was feeling pretty worthless and felt like a huge burden to our families.

Adversity

Shortly after surgery I ended up with a very painful case of shingles, followed by our whole family getting strep throat. I was so discouraged and felt like my body was failing me.

My situation, though a challenge for me, doesn’t compare to other’s more serious health issues, the death of a loved one, or broken relationships. I was facing normal life disappointments and difficulties, similar to caring for sick or aging parents, caring for young children, trials with teenagers, busy family schedules, and/or money and work problems. I was reminded that challenging situations are part of living life.

Pivotal Moment

During my recovery, I had a close friend text me asking me how I was doing. I started to write a long text back to her complaining about my struggles and then decided to delete it. I realized it was time for me to reframe my thoughts. Instead, I decided to write back and identify the things that were going well; “glimmers” instead of the things that were keeping me down. I decided to share what I was learning (or trying to learn).

Glimmers

I learned it’s OK and important to ask for and receive help. Once I started, joyfully, accepting help from my family instead of being so resistant to help, it made a huge difference in my attitude.
I learned to never again take my health for granted.
I learned to be thankful that my body lets me know when I am stressed. These are cues to slow down and prioritize health.
High expectations can lead to disappointment. Managing expectations is important.
I learned to live in the present moment.
I learned to be grateful for the big and little things in life, like being able to pick up my children.
I learned to acknowledge that I am doing the best I can.

Reframe

One of the biggest lessons I learned, was to change the story I am telling myself. I remember having coffee with my mom, crying and lamenting to her that my relationship with my 2-year-old was strained because of the lifting restrictions. My mom wisely said, “If that’s the story you want to believe, you can keep telling yourself that … or you can choose to think a different thought and tell yourself you are coming up with new ways to connect with your child, like reading books with her, singing and talking more with her. This will not be forever and she will follow your lead.”

Resilience

This season of minor trials has graced me with a new awareness and compassion for others who are hurting and feeling uncomfortable in any way. I also am learning how important it is to offer myself the very same compassion. Much like the beautiful new spring flowers pushing through the soil, we, too, can break through challenges and obstacles that stand in our way. When we choose to embrace our inner beauty, strength and innate resilience, we grow stronger and more capable of handling life’s adversities — just like flowers in spring.

Kylie Alger is a certified wellness coach and co-owner of the Well-Woman: Body, Mind & Spirit. Comments: kylie@thewellwoman.org.