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How many voices from TV/radio/Internet/your head have given you 80 percent winners against the spread this college football season?
That would be one. Hlastradamus. All bow to the seer.
He had his second-straight 4-1 week last week, and the only surprise was that he got one wrong. If you can’t believe in Ohio State at home, what’s left to believe in, Ivermectin?
When the prophet was a youngster, people thought horseshoes were lucky. Five centuries later, they think horse paste can deter a human virus. We haven’t come a long way, baby.
Luckily, you can momentarily forget the sad state of the human condition if you wager on some winners, and Hlastradamus is here for you. Just go with what he says, and use your profits to buy yourselves some good insulation for all the stupid that surrounds us.
Iowa -23.5 vs. Kent State
Speaking of horses, you ride them until they drop when it comes to wagering on college football.
The Hawkeyes have covered in both their games this season after doing so in their final six games in 2020. Coincidentally, they also won them all.
This is a lot of points against a team that may be fairly confident, but do you see Kent State marching on Iowa’s defense? Giddy up!
UNLV +32 vs. Iowa State
UNLV is bad. How does the soothsayer know this, you ask? Because it is a 32-point home underdog! Think, people, think.
But 32 points is 32 points. Iowa State’s offense has done the opposite of what most people do when they are in need of an exorcism. It has gone to Las Vegas.
Nebraska +22.5 at Oklahoma
Sure, the Sooners could hang a 60 on the Huskers. But the last two times these teams met, each won once and both games were tight.
Oh, that was in 2009 and 2010? Before Nebraska left the Big 12 for browner pastures?
Well, a proud Big Ten member like Nebraska isn’t going anywhere and losing by 23 points.
OK, the Huskers lost 52-17 at Ohio State last year, and lost 48-7 to the Buckeyes in Lincoln the year before, and lost 56-14 to OSU in Lincoln in 2017, and lost 62-3 at Ohio State in 2016?
However, this isn’t Ohio State. So the Huskers cover.
Purdue +7 at Notre Dame
Notre Dame’s 32-29 escape over Toledo last week isn’t the reason for this pick.
OK, it is.
Penn State -5 vs. Auburn
Big Ten and SEC teams tend to avoid each other in the regular-season. In fact, this is the only SEC-Big Ten matchup on the 2021 schedule.
Recap: The nation’s two premier football conferences stay away from each other on the playing field.
Well, you don’t see Ronald McDonald and Wendy sharing burgers together. You don’t see Nike and Reebok coming together to make the world’s most-expensive, least-useful athletic shoe. You don’t see DC and Marvel — sorry, Hlastradamus doesn’t like comic books or movies about them, so he has no line for that.
The prophet is taking the Nittany Lions because he sees them and Iowa being 5-0 when they collide Oct. 9 in Iowa City, and that would be better business-wise for him for such a great interest in the game. Hlastradamus is all about the Benjamins.
Hlastradamus knew the Original Benjamin, Ben Franklin. Bright fellow. Founding Father. Writer. Scientist.
Ben would never have ingested horse paste to ward off a human virus.
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