For Iowa Republicans, it’s all about the kids, except when it’s not

Under the Golden Dome of Wisdom, it’s all about protecting the children.

That’s why Republicans approved spending billions of dollars over the next decade to provide Education Savings Accounts for families sending their kids to private schools, or who want to. We have to provide an escape route so children can flee from public schools pitching “liberal indoctrination,” history that makes white kids uncomfortable and lessons about LGBTQ people.

It’s also why we have to mold public schools in the image of religious private schools. Lawmakers are pushing bills that would prohibit schools from adopting curriculum addressing the lives of LGBTQ people in elementary and middle school grades. We also have to rid our school libraries and curriculum of “offensive,” “obscene” books by authors who are LGBTQ or people of color sharing their experiences, sometimes in explicit, unflinching and jarring language.

"It doesn’t prohibit the student from coming in and discussing those (issues) themselves, but we’re just trying to go back to saying we’re going to let the kids be innocent," said Rep. Skyler Wheeler, R-Orange City.

Republicans say we need to prohibit schools from creating support plans for kids questioning their gender, unless parents sign on. And teachers must inform parents if a student is changing genders and wants to use a preferred name and pronouns at school. Sure, some kids will face abuse when they’re involuntarily outed, but it’s really all for the best, GOP lawmakers insist. Republicans will feel so much better, and so will Moms for Liberty. Liberty apparently doesn’t extend to marginalized kids who experience higher rates of suicide and homelessness.

Sure, LGBTQ Iowans live in our communities. They live full lives, contribute and are responsible for accomplishments to be lauded and admired. But, to keep kids safe, we apparently have to reduce their identities to the sex acts we imagine they perform in private. We don’t do this to heterosexual people, but that’s because they’re “normal.” As for the differences between gender and sexuality, we simply pretend they don’t exist.

Always, keep the kids protected, and innocent.

Well, unless businesses want us to loosen child labor laws to help them fill workforce gaps. Then we’ll send 14-year-olds into commercial freezers and, if they get some on-the-job training, they can work in manufacturing, processing and construction. Heck, at age 16, with parental permission, they can tend bar at the local tavern.

If you’ve been to as many taverns as I have, you’d know your innocence can get crushed faster than an empty tallboy in some joints. But someone’s got to work that shift.

Kids would get some real world experience, working tough jobs for low pay. It’s the American way. Get used to it. And what could go wrong? Surely nothing, although the same bill creates legal liability protections for businesses that hire kids. So, maybe not nothing.

But still, our lawmakers’ main goal is keeping kids safe.

Well, unless safety involves kids learning about the availability of the HPV vaccinations. A bill being considered would eliminate a requirement that public schools provide information about the vaccine. It’s just a safe, effective vaccine that can help them avoid contracting a sexually transmitted infection that could lead to a deadly cancer diagnosis down the road.

We don’t need to keep kids safe from cancer. We need to keep them safe from a government informing them about safe, effective vaccines. That seems smart.

Kids that rely on SNAP food assistance to stave off hunger could see their families become ineligible. Under a GOP bill, failing an asset test that allows them to own only one vehicle and throws up a constant web of bureaucratic barriers, would kick them out of the program.

Never mind that families receiving billions of public dollars for private school tuition help eventually won’t have to provide any proof at all that they actually need it.

So maybe we should amend that opening line.

Under the Golden Dome of Wisdom, it’s all about protecting some select children from imagined threats. They include LGBTQ people, books that challenge their view of the world and history that paints a true picture of the American experience, which hasn’t always been brass bands and bunting.

But if you’re ready to go to work in the freezer or the processing plant, get in there. Republicans’ business pals need you.

If you’re a transgender student fearing abuse or homelessness, sorry, we’re trying to scare voters and score political points.

If you’re wondering where your next meal will come from, or could benefit from information at school that may someday save your life, it’s not lawmakers’ concern. They’re more concerned with pleasing out-of-state think tanks and anti-vaxxers. Their donors will be ecstatic.

We’ll keep you safe from fake danger. Otherwise, you’re on your own.

Just stay innocent, even if that means you get an incomplete education. That just makes it more likely you’ll someday tolerate this brand of state leadership. But the kids know better, and they’re unlikely to stick around. They're wiser than the Golden Dome.

(319) 398-8262; todd.dorman@thegazette.com

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