Like what you're reading?

We make it easy to stay connected:

to our email newsletters
Download our free apps

Hlastradamus' substitute takes Hawkeyes, gives points

The prophet is replaced due to excessive mediocrity

  • Photo

Hlastradamus has been given a mandatory one-week leave of absence for committing crimes against college football forecasting.

The prophet not only was 2-4 last week, but incorrectly said the opponents of Iowa and Iowa State would cover the spread. That’s not why he has been summoned through history and three different airports to appear here.

So this week, he is being replaced by his nephew, Wolfgang Amadeusadamas. Amadeus already has made one important change by using the lines from the Westgate in fabulous Las Vegas.

Wynn Las Vegas and MGM Mirage didn’t thank Hlastradamus with comps for mentioning their sports books. Westgate, this could be your big chance.

Iowa -11.5 vs. Purdue

The Hawkeyes are 1-3 in covering as double-digit favorites this year. But now they’re playing the tired, the poor, the huddled masses of West Lafayette.

The double-digits are daunting, but Purdue is not.

Texas +14 vs. Iowa State

Kudos to the Cyclones for pushing Baylor and Oklahoma State so hard before falling. A second-straight road game, two straight bitter disappointments, and a Texas team that is in desperation mode add up to a tough time in Austin.

On the other hand, Texas’ defense stinks.

There’s a reason why Wolfgang only has a one-week contract.

Indiana +3 vs. Nebraska

Wolfgang says Indiana not only covers, it wins.

The Huskers will be without injured receiver Jordan Westerkamp, who has 142 career catches and 17 touchdowns.

Plus, it’s a vital game for the Hoosiers. If Ohio State and Michigan leave the Big Ten for the NFL before this season ends, the third-place team in the East goes to the league’s title game.

Wisconsin -11 vs. Ohio State

Nobody comes to Madison and wins by 11 points in a Saturday night game.

Not even a team that has the kind of speed we may have never seen in a Big Ten team. Not even a team coached by someone whose Big Ten regular-season record is 33-1.

Nobody.

Jump around!

Maryland -6.5 vs. Minnesota

The Gophers are starting their backup quarterback, Conor Rhoda. Mitch Leidner got concussed during the third quarter of the Gophs’ loss to Iowa last week.

No one knew it at the time. It probably didn’t help Minnesota’s offense the rest of that game.

The last Rhoda who had an impact in Minneapolis was Rhoda Morgenstern.

Illinois (-6.5) at Rutgers NO PICK!

Amadeus refuses to allow any of you to cast your lot with either of these two teams until Hlastradamus comes back next week to safely navigate such turbulent waters.

Give us feedback

Have you found an error or omission in our reporting? Tell us here.
Do you have a story idea we should look into? Tell us here.