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Hlastradamus has been wrestling with his overcoat and fighting with his thoughts. He’s got a lot on his mind.
Hey, you see the things he’s seen over the last several centuries and then try to get a good night’s sleep.
The prophet has muddled along so far this football season, going 6-6 against the spread. Because of the 10 percent juice the sports books get, Hlastradamus is behind, and reminded of this Warren Zevon song.
Yeah, life’ll kill ya.
But before life does us all in, there are winners to be had this week. The seer is here!
Iowa and however many points vs. North Dakota State
There is no line for this game because it involves an FCS team. So it’s on you to get a number and take the Hawkeyes.
The Bison are good and all that. But they don’t have a defense to stop Iowa from scoring and scoring some more. Assuming you get a sensible spread, the Hawkeyes are your pick here. And don’t tell Hlastradamus where you got that spread, because he is a proponent of legal things only.
That’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
TCU -24.5 vs. Iowa State
They say the darkest hour is right before the dawn. For the Cyclones, dawn is coming next week when the guest is San Jose State.
But it will be dark in Fort Worth at 11 a.m. Saturday.
Rutgers -5.5 vs. New Mexico
Here’s the deal: You’re in the Big Ten. Act like it.
New Mexico is New Mexico, the second-best team in its own state. Rutgers is the best team in New Jersey. It’s the only major-college program in Jersey, but that’s neither here nor there.
It’s in Piscataway, to be precise.
Michigan State +7.5 at Notre Dame
The Spartans were just 5-8-1 against the spread last year, reprehensible for a Big Ten champion. In fact, only two other teams in the league (Penn State and Rutgers) were worse against the Vegas numbers.
But when it’s time to rise up, MSU does that. It won as a 7-point underdog at Michigan last year. It won as a 14-point underdog at Ohio State last year. It rallied against Iowa to get a push in the Big Ten title game.
OK, the Spartans lost 38-0 to Alabama in the playoffs. Hey, if Hlastradamus is only 6-6, how can we expect mere mortals to be perfect?
Oklahoma +2 vs. Ohio State
Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops called Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio for knowledge about Ohio State.
Ohio State coach Urban Meyer called Houston coach Tom Herman for knowledge about Oklahoma.
These games are all televised, right?
The prophet knows how these things work. It’s bad news for college football to have Oklahoma eliminated from playoff contention in September, while Ohio State can lose this game and still make the playoffs. So the cosmos will be good to the Sooners. Always bet the way the cosmos bets.
Nebraska -3 vs. Oregon
The sun has set on the Oregon football empire. Hlastradamus has spoken!
But he still finds Eugene and Portland more suitable for his sensibilities than Lincoln and North Platte.