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Good Timey Radio Hour

Dolph = Kerouac; Tommy has jumped the shark; Marcoleptic

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Welcome to the Good Timey Radio Hour. This is be a stream-of-consciousness run from the HawkTalk with Kirk Ferentz show, hosted by Iowa play-by-play voice Gary Dolphin on Wednesday nights. The show is broadcast from Applebee’s in Iowa City.

Dolph wants your opinion on Iowa all-American cornerback Desmond King. Is he better this year than last year, when King picked off eight passes and won the Jim Thorpe Award? I think I know where Dolph is going on this and I think I agree with him.

It took seven minutes, but finally Dolph acknowledges the greatness of Floyd, Floyd all null and void.

Dolph correctly pronounces Purdue QB David Blough’s name (it’s Blau, BA-Lau, like plow, kind of).

— I’ve totally stopped paying attention. Dolph is airing this out because the plants lost the number, I think.

— Anthony, there we are. You blue-eye southern devil, Anthony.

Anthony is a vote for Desmond from last year. This is Dolph’s greatest fear, starting a poll that goes the way he doesn’t want it to go. Dolph needs to text the plants and stuff the ballot box.

— Dolph is counting something. 19 straight losses to Purdue before Hayden Fry. How would you like to live in that world, people? It’d be like waking up in Uncle Fred’s cabin with frost bite (something Hawkeye for someone who gets that deeply obscure reference).

— This is Dolph Word Jazz tonight.

He’s airing it out with the voices in his head (Kevin Dolan, I think).

Dolph is asking for Twitter questions. WHERE DID HE GET THAT IDEA???? #oniowapod

— Jim calls in. He’s in good voice.

He asks about a freshman receiver. We’re still overturning rocks at receiver. Before you guys ask the question, run it through your Ferentz-o-meter first. It’s like the world’s strictest BS detector. Devonte Young? Sure maybe, I’ll say, Dolph will say. Maybe KF will say the same. And then you know what’ll happen. You know. C’mon, you know. He won’t play. You got it. The Ferentz-o-meter. Keep it close.

— This show is a wasteland tonight.

— Hey, Dolph is talking about the Purdue sink hole. “It’s not as bad as social media made it sound.” Guys, I think Dolph thinks Twitter talks.

Twitter isn’t Hal 3000, Dolph.

— Word Jazz ... Dolph is reading Kerouac. It’s beautiful.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

Dolph is on a roll, daddy-o.

— Steve from Morroco, Iowa, calls in.

It’s past Steve’s bed time.

DESMOND TO RECEIVER

Actually, Steve couches this question better than I did. Put Desmond in as a decoy. Good job, Steve.

KF: Had those discussion about Micah Hyde (it never happened). How much can he do without losing effectiveness? Don’t want to take him off of defense (they won’t). Also, it’s tricky to make it fit, with practice time and making it actually work.

KF said the door isn’t closed on it, either.

Hmm. I think the door is closed on it, but I thought the door was bolted shut on changes going into last week, and then they flipped around three OL.

Clearly, I know what I’m talking about.

BTW, KF believes Desmond is a better player now than last season. And he is. King’s game is brilliant. King and Josey Jewell have been Iowa’s most consistent.

— Bryce in Washington. He has three things.

Congrats on the pig and the two-point PAT run.

Minnesota picked on the sidelines late in the game. Notes that Iowa lost a few reviews.

And I spaced. Sorry.

KF said the reviews ended up correct. “Three or four circus catches, I guess it was two or three. It felt like 15.”

— Someone is on the phone. The call is coming from inside the house.

Something about DJK from John in Fort Dodge. He’s high-fiving the dudes at the bar right now. Probably gonna eat a frozen pizza and play Berzerker later. Maybe watch a Bergman film.

— Jim from Bettendorf. He sounds like a determined Winnie the Pooh.

Playing a lot of true freshmen this year ... How would you rate this class? Can you single one out from practice?

Jim votes for Desmond being better this year.

KF: We’re really pleased with the whole group of guys.

I didn’t see that coming. I thought KF would offer a comprehensive breakdown of every true freshman. Dang.

More Micah Hyde. Hey, he’s a Packer and a good dude. Can’t go wrong there, right? RIGHT!!!????

“I’m interested in the whole book rather than the first chapter.” That’s pretty good.

KF does single out Manny Rugamba, who had a pick last week. Good-looking athlete.

— TOMMYYYY

Wants to know about Steve Ferentz. Major? Hopes someone gets on the field, could really help Iowa. (I think it was Ryan Boyle.)

Steve Ferentz is majoring in education. Wants to teach (history) and coach.

Ryan Boyle is working hard and doing a good job.

Tommy is from Des Moines, so he does want to know about Boyle, a Des Moines native.

— Les from More, Iowa.

Typical week question. Les is a plant, a pod person.

They watch film on Friday morning. I wonder who’s in charge of making sure they’re all awake. Football film sessions were some of my best naps. I couldn’t help it, I’m a Marcoleptic.

I’ll show myself out.

— Dolph dog cusses his Twitter and then walks it back and says he’s using it and has only been in trouble a couple of times because of it.

Dolph, Twitter is a bear trap, my friend. You don’t see it until your foot is in it and then it’s too late.

Or, wait, it’s a tiger trap. You’re walking and then you fall into a hole that was covered by leaves. That works. I saw it in Archer once.

— KF says there was improvement in the passing game last week. OK.

— Bubba is on the line. Said the defensive adjustments were capricious with a hint of stateliness.

[TRAP GAME EMOJI]

KF was super, super relieved to see Iowa stop the run.

KF said, “We did this special drill last Tuesday ... I wish I would’ve thought of it sooner.”

Oh no, folks, this was an elaborate ruse. It was simply Iowa was better than Minnesota and really rallied to the ball. That factor was much, much better.

Actually, KF joked all over me on Tuesday. I started some blabbering on players and their possible reactions to learning that, hey, this week you’re a guard after you’ve been a tackle your whole career. It had an election note to it, and KF riffed off of that. I WAS THE STICK IN THE MUD I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS UNCOMFORTABLE I HATED THAT I TOTALLY BLANKED AND HAD NOTHING

— A nice moment shared on the memory of Sheriff Ron Stewart.

Please read Mike Hlas’ column on Ron. He was great to chat with while he was keeping me away from spying on the Hawkeyes. You could tell there was a ton of wisdom there and that he’d seen a life.

Peace to Ron’s family.

— Once again, if you listen to the end of the show, you can hear aliens talking.

Good night.

l Comments: (319) 398-8256; marc.morehouse@thegazette.com

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