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Big Ten power rankings for people who think if you have to say you’re powerful, you aren’t.
1. Wisconsin (4-0): Redshirt freshman Alex Hornibrook’s first start was a 30-6 win at Michigan State. "It was fun to watch first hand Alex Hornibrook drop it into tight windows, drop it into the bucket a few times," said Badger linebacker Vince Biegel. What kind of game is that?
2. Ohio State (3-0): The Buckeyes had a bye week, which was nice. Even people seeking global domination deserve some time to catch up on their Netflix faves.
3. Michigan (4-0): Last week, Jim Harbaugh told ESPN Radio’s Dan Le Batard that “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” was his favorite dance song. He called it “a toe-tapper.” Which is, of course, insane.
4. Nebraska (4-0): Tommy Armstrong passed for 246 yards against Northwestern. “Armstrong” is as good a name for a quarterback as “Angerer” was for a linebacker.
5. Coe and Cornell (6-1 combined): Saturday, Cornell overcame a 28-7 halftime deficit to win at Beloit, 46-41. Mason Dixon had three touchdowns for Beloit. Yes, the Beloit blockers are Mason Dixon’s line.
6. Minnesota (3-0): North Dakota State says it is looking at playing a home game at Minneapolis’ Target Field in perhaps 2018. The Bison no longer are content beating Big Ten teams, now they want to annex their land.
7. Iowa (3-1): I hate to call the Hawkeyes’ 14-7 win at Rutgers tedious, but even tofu thought it was boring.
8. Maryland (3-0): Indiana and Maryland beat Florida International this month. FIU fired coach Ron Turner Sunday. Wisconsin beat LSU this month. LSU fired Les Miles Sunday. The lesson: Don’t lose.
9. Michigan State (2-1): The Spartans had five turnovers against Wisconsin. Tom Izzo thinks that’s too many ... for his MSU basketball team.
10. Purdue (2-1): Beating Nevada Saturday was nice and all, but Notre Dame did it two weeks earlier, so how hard can it be?
11. Rutgers (2-2): “Sting is probably an understatement, I’d say,” Rutgers offensive coordinator Drew Mehringer said about missed opportunities in his team’s 14-7 loss to Iowa. “Closer to vomit.”
12. Indiana (2-1): The Hoosiers outgained Wake Forest, 611 yards to 352. And lost, 33-28. Did I mention the Hoosiers gained 611 yards?
13. Northwestern (1-3): Former Wildcat quarterback Trevor Siemian threw four touchdown passes for the Denver Broncos Sunday. Siemian threw 392 passes for Northwestern in 2014 and had just seven touchdowns. His current teammates must be better.
14. Illinois (1-2): Had the week off, and thus looked a lot better Saturday than the state’s two other FBS teams, Northwestern and ...
15. Northern Illinois (0-4): The program that was 57-13 between 2010 and 2014 lost Saturday to FCS Western Illinois. Oh, Iowa has Northern Illinois on its 2018 and 2020 home schedules.
16. Penn State (2-2): The Onion last week: “Rest of Nation to Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You.’ ”