Augusta Confidential: Tebow and Me

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AUGUSTA, Ga. — The guilt I carry around sometimes overwhelms me. This is one such time.

I was out shopping for a pair of pants Thursday night in Evans, Ga., a suburb of Augusta. I like buying clothes about as much as waking up in Georgia to 40-degree weather with stiff wind. I’ve had bronchitis or something similar for three weeks, and I came here more for the healing warmth than to cover the Masters.

As long as we’re sharing, I’ve been deathly afraid I would start coughing as someone was about to strike a putt here, and would be swiftly moved to an undisclosed location.

Anyway, the pants were necessary because the two pair I brought weren’t enough. There has been no shorts weather, and one pair was done for the rest of the tournament because of mud I encountered on the Augusta National course.

Which is all very boring stuff, but it gets me to this: While I was looking for a cheap pair of trousers, Tim Tebow hit a home run for the Columbia Fireflies against the Augusta GreenJackets.

Columbia, S.C., is just 70 miles from Augusta. Had I put the pedal to the metal after leaving Augusta National early Thursday evening, I could have reached Spirit Communications Park in time to see Tebow homer in his first at-bat as a Firefly, a low Class A South Atlantic League affiliate of the New York Mets.

Tebow pumped his fist in the air and fans chanted “Tebow! Tebow!” as he rounded second base and headed for home. I missed it, and with it, the chance to share the color and pageantry of that moment with you good people.

Aw, who am I kidding? With chilly weather and that blasted wind, very few things in the human experience would have possessed me to make a 2-hour round trip to watch a minor league baseball game in April.

The 9-inning game took three hours and 37 minutes to play, by the way. Tebow struck out three times after his homer. He is 28 years old. I don’t think he’ll ever play baseball in the major leagues. But if he does, you’ll probably have several different choices of media mopes to tell you about it.

Tebow won the Heisman Trophy in 2007. We’re all older now.

“Fireflies” is a good name for a baseball team. “GreenJackets?” Not so much.

I don’t really like the pants I ended up buying.

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